Monday Night Football and Socialism

Monday Night Football and Socialism - an unlikley duo, I know. But during this week's pre-game chat about post-election predictions, the prospect of returing to a communist society was mentioned several times by those, who I know for a fact, are painfully under-read on the literary works of Marx and Engles. Agree with them or disagree. I can respect an opinion....just not from those too uninformed on the matter to form one.

Now for some fun....a full report from the Socialist International Conspiricy

Surely you have heard by now of the imminent socialist takeover of America, and if you find the prospect unlikely, ask yourself: How many socialists do you know who lost millions in the recent stock market crashes? Just as I thought—none—and that's not only because you don't know any socialists. The truth is that we, the Socialist International Conspiracy, not only saw this coming, we are the ones who made it happen.

The plan took shape during a particularly intense criticism/self-criticism session at our 2000 annual convention in a booth at an Akron IHOP. We realized that we'd been recruiting no more new members per year than the Green Bay Packers and that, despite all our efforts, more Americans have been taken aboard UFO's than have embraced the historic promise of socialism. So we decided to suspend our usual work of standing on street corners and hissing, "Hey, how'd you like to live in a workers' paradise?” Instead of building socialism, one worker at a time, we would focus on destroying capitalism, hedge fund by hedge fund.

First, we selected a cadre of crusty punks from the streets of Seattle, stripped off their Che t-shirts, suited them up in Armani's and wingtips, and introduced them to the concepts of derivatives and dental floss. Then we shipped them to Wall Street with firm instructions: Make as much money as you can, as fast as you can, and as soon as the money starts rolling in, send it out to make more money by whatever dodgy means you can find – subprime loans, credit default swaps, pyramid schemes – anything goes. And oh yes: Spend your own earnings in the most flamboyantly gross ways you can think of -- $10,000 martinis, fountains of champagne – so as to fan the flames of class resentment.

These brave comrades did far better than we could have imagined, quickly adapting to lives of excess and greed punctuated only by squash games at the Century Club. But we could not have inflicted such massive damage to capitalism if we hadn't also planted skilled agents in high places within the government and various quasi-governmental agencies. When all this is over, Phil Gramm, for example—the former senator and McCain economics advisor -- will be getting a Hero of Socialism award for his courageous battle against financial regulation. That's the only name I can name at this moment, but I will tell you this: If you happened to have been in a playground in the suburbs of DC any time in the last few years, and noticed an impeccably dressed elderly man poking around under rocks, that was a certain Federal Reserve Chairman, looking for his weekly orders from the central committee.
Things were going swimmingly until about a week ago, when the capitalists suddenly staged a counter-coup. We had thought that the nationalization of the banks would bring capitalism to its knees, but instead, the capitalists were craftily using it to privatize the government. Goldman Sachs, former home of Henry Paulson, has taken the lead, planting its agents so thickly about the erstwhile public sector as to earn the nickname "Government Sachs." Among the former Goldman Sachs operatives now running the country, in addition to Paulson, are the president's chief of staff, the chairman of the New York Fed, the man appointed to take over A.I.G., and the 35-year-old boy wonder selected to oversee the bail-out program.

According to the New York Times, "Goldman supporters" insist there is no "conspiracy" and not a black helicopter in sight – just a bunch of public-spirited investment bankers sacrificing their normal 8-figure salaries for the good of the nation. But we socialists know a conspiracy when we see one, and some in our ranks are complaining bitterly that as capitalism began to collapse, the bankers seized the life raft that was intended to save the laid-off, the foreclosed-upon, and the exploited masses in general.

Ah well, we socialists still have the election to look forward to. After months of studying the candidates' economic plans, we have determined that one of them, and only one, can be relied on to complete the destruction of capitalism. With high hopes and great confidence, the Socialist International Conspiracy endorses John McCain!

I Have a Dream Speach

My admiration of Dr. King and his beautifully written truths is why I've chosen to feature this wordle.
For anyone not familiar with a wordle, you're missing out. Visit www.wordle.net to create your own!

blah blah blah blah

Looking forward to yet another Monday morning in the office, it occurs to me that what I'm dreading the most about returning to the grind isn't my endless project list, but rather the increasingly annoying bombardment of unnecessary chatter.

The endless project list is actually what I love about my job; the (in your best Russell Brand from Forgetting Sarah Marshall voice) "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit" however is what makes my skin crawl.

The gamut runs from those who just babble on and on about things no else could possibly care about to those who talk in cirlces using tired corporate jargon in an attempt to, sadly failed, sound professional, while everyone's eyes simply glaze over in boredom.

So as we all prepare to restart the grind, I'm reminded of these golden words from my favorite philosopher, Plato. "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."

Are you the wise man or the fool? For the sake of mine and everyone around you, choose the former over the latter.

Biden Gave us an Album, Palin Sang a Single

The fairest take I've seen on the VP debate comes from Jonathan Singer at MyDD:

"She sounded like a moderately effective surrogate -- a little better than a Carly Fiorina, not as good as a Mitt Romney -- but not as an able partner to John McCain, and certainly not as one who could step in as President should God forbid anything happen to McCain."

The endless repetition of platitudes, catch phrases and bullet points might have worked in a five minute talk show guest slot--because Palin had about five minutes of material, endlessly shuffled. Back before iPods, we had CD singles and tapes, which often had multiple remixes of the same song. Each individual version may be interesting for its minor variations, might work by itself on the dance floor. But stretching the five minute single out too long could get really dull after a while, especially in that extended middle break that repeats and repeats and repeats the beats. And you'd certainly never play all six versions of the remix back to back. But that's what Sarah Palin, the one-hit wonder gave us last night: the 90 minute remix version. Joe Biden gave us an album. (Joe Biden would have given us a boxed set if the moderator had given him the time.)

Biden presented a veteran's performance based on a long body of work, not just the greatest hits but full of the subtle album tracks that you don't always hear on classic rock radio. Biden's solo album fizzled on caucus night, but he's integrated himself seamlessly into the new guy's band, keeping his style but never forgetting his role as playing back-up rhythm guitar to Barack Obama's lead.

In contrast, at least one observer thinks Palin is already looking to cut a solo album. "Sarah Palin was looking out for Sarah Palin tonight," said Democrat Paul Begala on CNN. "She thinks it's over and is looking toward 2012." But if she wants to do that, Palin needs to take some time after she gets off the road and develop a bigger back catalog of material than the one heavily produced hit she has now.

The way I see it
Isn't necessarily
The way you see it
Or the way it is
Or ought to be

What's more important
Is that we're all
Looking for it
And a way to see it
- Desi Di Nardo

Today's thought...

Always a source of infinite wisdom and inspiration, my Starbucks cup did not disappoint today.

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes."

west tennessee asthma walk

Come out for a great event benefiting The American Lung Association. Doctors will be on hand conducting FREE asthma screenings, and with air quality in Memphis it would hurt to be screened even if your convinced you don't have asthma. You never know. There will be music and fun for everyone. Brian and I are volunteering - hope to see you there!

September 6, 2008
Registration: 7:30 a.m.
Walk: 9:00 a.m.
Shelby Farms Park – Visitor Center 500 North Pines Lake Drive Memphis, TN

case for incompetence

To figure out what jobs are the most necessary and which are not, one simply has to answer this question: when a position is vacated either by a resignation, a retirement, a death, an insanity plea, season ticket considerations or enlightenment how long does it take to fill it? A large company was once without a CEO for nearly a year. What does that tell you? But if a courier, the lowest rung on our corporate ladder, calls in sick wild pandemonium ensues for the better part of the day. If two couriers call in sick management begins considering its options: a two-instead of one-pack day, Monster.com, a death in the family and/or the phrase, spoken loudly, "I don't care how, just do it!" That last one really works well.

Incompetence, however, can solve problems like this. If an incompetent employee calls in sick, who cares? What did they do at work? They drank coffee, they used the phone, they surfed the net, they wrote memos and organized meetings. Is anybody going to miss that? Similarly, if an incompetent employee leaves. What happens? Nothing. The same thing that happened when they were there. Business moves on as usual. No one has to adjust, nothing changes, another incompetent person moves into the position, nothing gets done again and everyone is happy.

Competence, in reality, is a big problem. Admittedly, it is a rare occurrence, but when it happens it can be devastating. Competent individuals are capable of making themselves necessary even in unnecessary positions. So if they leave or get sick they leave a huge gap where none existed before and the chances of finding another competent individual to fill that gap are very slim.

Another problem is no one has much experience with competence, hence bosses are never really quite sure what to do with competent workers. If they tell them to do something, not only might they actually do it, but they often do it well and on time. This makes everyone else feel inferior and this is startlingly bad for company morale. If morale is low, productivity is low, the bottom-line suffers, managers get stressed, upper-management not knowing what else to do starts making decisions, stock prices drop, stockholders start selling and before anyone has time to react the company relocates to China. The only one able to find another decent job is the competent S.O.B. who started the disaster in the first place.

The lesson in all this is simple: hire incompetent people. By doing this, sick calls, retirements, resignations and firings will all cease to be traumatic and the workplace can maintain the benign consistency that makes status quo the mantra of our time.

women deserve equal pay

For full-time, year-round workers, women are paid on average only about 77% of what men are paid; for women of color, the gap is even wider. These wage gaps stubbornly remain despite the passage of the Equal Pay Act more than 40 years ago, and a variety of legislation prohibiting employment discrimination.

Women are still not receiving equal pay for equal work, let alone equal pay for work of equal value. This disparity not only affects women's spending power; it penalizes their retirement security by creating gaps in social security and pensions.
Facts about pay equity What you can do

Facts About Pay Equity
In 2005, women's median annual earnings were only $.77 for every $1.00 earned by men. For women of color, the gap is even worse – only $.71 for African American women and $.58 for Latinas. The General Accounting Office compiled data from the Current Population Survey regarding the ten industries that employ 71 percent of U.S. women workers and 73 percent of U.S. women managers. In seven of the ten industries examined, the pay gap between full-time male and female managers widened between 1995 and 2000.

If women received the same wages as men who work the same number of hours, have the same education and union status, are the same age, and live in the same region of the country, then these women's annual income would rise by $4,000 and poverty rates would be cut in half. Working families would gain an astounding $200 billion in family income annually. Pay equity in female-dominated jobs (jobs in which women comprise 70 percent or more of the workforce) would increase wages for women by approximately 18 percent.

Fifty-five percent of all women work in female-dominated jobs (jobs in which women comprise 70 percent or more of the workforce) whereas only 8.5 percent of all men work in these occupations. However, the men working in female-dominated jobs still receive about 20 percent more than women who work in female-dominated jobs.

Women are paid less in every occupational classification for which sufficient information is available, according to the data analysis in over 300 job classifications provided by the U.S. Department of Labor Statistics. In 1963, the year of the Equal Pay Act's passage, full-time working women were paid 59 cents on average to the dollar received by men, while in 2005 women were paid 77 cents for every dollar received by men. In other words, for the last 42 years, the wage gap has only narrowed by less than half of a penny per year.

What You Can Do
1. Learn more about the wage gap. Here are some additional resources onpay equity:
American Association of University Women's Information on Pay Equity
Institute for Women's Policy Research: The Gender Wage Ratio: Women's and Men's Earnings Fact Sheet (PDF)
Business and Professional Women: Fact Sheet on Pay Equity
National Women's Law Center analysis of Paycheck Fairness Act (PDF)
National Committee on Pay Equity
Sources: U.S. Census Bureau, Income, Earnings and Poverty Data from the 2005 American Community Survey. AFL-CIO & the Institute for Women's Policy Research, Equal Pay for Working Families: National and State Data on Pay Gap and Its Costs (1999). A New Look Through the Glass Ceiling: Where are the Women? Commissioned by Representatives John D. Dingell (D-Mich.) and Carolyn B. Maloney (D-N.Y.) (2002). Posted 4/16/07

waiting to exhale

A friend once told me about the Buddhist concept of pain without suffering; it's a notion that fascinates me. I mean, is it really possible to say, Yep, my stomach aches, all right, but I don't have to add insult to injury by letting that pain run amok: I can decide to skip the part where I moan, "Now I can't meet my friends at the movie and I'll probably miss work tomorrow, which means I'll blow my deadline, lose my job and die penniless and alone."

Calming a frantic brain in the face of high anxiety is a pretty tall order, especially for someone like me who tends to operate on two basic emotions: panic and barely suppressed panic. But assuming one can actually achieve pain without suffering, where else might this dynamic be applied? Is there such a thing as anger without brooding? And the real question --my current obsession -- can a person feel unbelievably busy without feeling unbelievably overwhelmed?

Lately, I seem to have this constant sense that I'm just keeping my head above water. I'm forever trying to catch up, stay in touch and be where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there. I bought a new pair of jeans in July, but I've never worn them because I've never had a chance to get them hemmed. The last novel I remember curling up with is "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" -- and that was in sixth grade.
Almost everybody I know -- whether they're wealthy or struggling to make ends meet, whether they're bachelor girls or celebrating their 25th anniversary, whether their kids are grown or toddlers or nonexistent --everyone seems to be suffering from some sort of culturally induced ADD. Our brains are swamped and our bodies are tired. Blood pressures are up, serotonin levels are down, tempers are short, to-do lists are long, and nerves are shot.

Sometimes I think pain without suffering, anger without brooding, earning a living, maintaining friendships, connecting with the universe, and dancing as fast as you can without screaming, "Stop the music; I want to sit this one out," just isn't an option for anybody anymore. We shoulder-roll out of bed in the morning and gulp coffee from Styrofoam cups on the way to wherever we're trying to go. We catch the sound bite, not the speech. We send the e-mail, not the love letter. We wait our entire lives to exhale.

getting started

kicking thing off with a few oldie transfers from myspace...new insights on the way soon!